Juliana Navidad A La Colombiana Chiva Culiona Instant

Don Pepe crossed himself. “La patrona,” he whispered, looking at Juliana. “She has returned.”

The December sun blazed over the mountain roads of Antioquia, but inside the painted wooden shell of La Espantapájaros —the Scarecrow—the Christmas spirit was running on pure stubbornness and aguardiente. Juliana gripped the rusty rail of the open-air bus, her knuckles white, as the chiva’s oversized tires kissed the edge of a cliff overlooking a canyon so deep it seemed to swallow the sky.

She didn’t return to Toronto. She bought La Espantapájaros from Don Pepe for a symbolic peso, renovated the engine with real parts, and started a new tradition: the Chiva Culiona de los Ausentes —a ride for all the Colombians who’d left, so they could come back for one night, sit on the roof, and remember that joy is not an algorithm. It’s a big, loud, ugly, beautiful bus full of imperfect people, taking the wrong road at the right speed, singing off-key into the abyss.

At the first stop—a shack on a misty hillside—an old woman named Doña Clara hobbled out with a basket of empanadas . “Ay, Juliana,” she whispered, kissing her cheek. “You came back. But the chiva… she has no guasca . No fire.” Juliana Navidad A La Colombiana Chiva Culiona

“No,” said Doña Clara. “But you’re a calculadora . You solve problems.”

“A la izquierda, la muerte! A la derecha, la gloria!” shouted Don Pepe, the driver, a man with no teeth and an angel’s confidence. He spun the wheel. The chiva—a riot of neon paint, hand-painted flowers, and a grinning devil on the tailgate—lurched right.

The Chiva Culiona —the “big-assed bus”—was legendary in these parts. Not just for its wild paint job or the way it fishtailed on hairpin turns, but for its mission: every December 24th, it transformed into a mobile novena . It collected prayers, gifts, and drunk uncles from seven forgotten veredas, delivering them to the town square of Jericó for the Midnight Mass of the Rooster. Don Pepe crossed himself

And every Christmas Eve, as the chiva rounds that cliffside curve, Juliana leans into the wind and shouts the only prayer she needs:

Juliana laughed. Not a nervous laugh. A real one. It had been four years since she’d laughed like that. Four years since she’d left Medellín for a sterile apartment in Toronto, chasing a promotion that left her with carpal tunnel and a curated loneliness. Her abuela’s final words echoed in her head: “Mija, la navidad no se vive en un celular. Se vive en la chiva culiona.”

“I’m not a mechanic,” Juliana said, pulling out her phone. No signal. Of course. Juliana gripped the rusty rail of the open-air

“Push,” she said.

The engine coughed. Farted blue smoke. And roared.

Juliana looked at the engine. It was a Frankenstein of wire, tape, and Don Pepe’s prayers. A hose was cracked. The radiator was leaking a sad green tear onto the dirt.

At midnight, they rolled into Jericó. The whole town was waiting, not for Mass, but for them. The new mayor—a slick, university-educated fool—had tried to cancel the chiva’s parade. But there was La Espantapájaros , grille covered in tinsel, speakers blasting “Lista en Medellín,” and on the roof, a woman in a torn designer shirt, holding a bottle of aguardiente like a scepter.

She hadn’t understood then. Now, bouncing between a man playing a ragged accordion and a woman balancing a tray of natilla and bunuelos , she began to.