“I liked the scissors part,” Jade says.

“Steven,” Rex yells. “You’re a human pimple!”

(Jade’s inner thought: “I brought scissors. Not for crafts.”)

(Carly’s inner thought: “I should’ve taken the bus.”) Scene 3 – Steven’s party, LA

“Tori! Emergency! There’s this guy—he’s dating both me and Jade at the same time.”

Steven sweats.

Steven tries to run. Sam trips him with a salami.

(Carly’s inner thought: “Reasonable isn’t working. Unleash Sam.”)

(Cat’s inner thought: “I hope one day chickens learn to juggle me back.”)

(André’s inner thought: “You mean weirder than his puppet having its own Instagram?”)

(Cat’s inner thought: “The pigeon said yes.”)

“Pick one,” Jade says.

“You dated three girls at once?” André asks, disgusted.

Steven runs out the fire exit. Falls into a dumpster.