Daphne And Irina.: Show 1

(puts phone down) Whoa. That was almost profound. Say it again so I can pretend I thought of it first.

(without looking up) If you rotate that apple one more time, I’m going to film it and put it on the internet. Title: Woman Declares War on Produce.

Welcome to Daphne and Irina . Show one. We have no plan. We have no producer. And we are definitely not okay. Daphne And Irina. Show 1

Finally. Something you’re bad at.

(smiles tightly) No, darling. Something I’m exhausted by. There’s a difference. Control is a rental agreement with anxiety. You think you’re the landlord. You’re not. You’re the tenant who’s afraid of the boiler. (puts phone down) Whoa

Fruit cartography. You’ve lost your mind. (She finally looks up) What’s the theme of today’s show, by the way? Last week was “Do I have a personality, or just good taste?” The week before was “Is my ex a narcissist or just French?”

And you’re a control artist who just got evicted from her own fruit bowl. (She steals the apple and takes a loud bite) Camera two, close up on anarchy. (without looking up) If you rotate that apple

You’re a monster.