Bridal Mask: Speak Khmer

(Ar kun) – Thank you. “ស្រឡាញ់” (Sralanh) – Love. “សងសឹក” (Sang seuk) – Revenge.

(Khnhom s’abt anak) I hate you.

I am a wound that learned to walk. I am the missing page from the history book. I am the scream that your governor’s son hears just before the lights go out. And when I speak now, I do not speak Japanese. I do not speak the tongue of the occupier. I speak the language of the knife.

The Laughing Magpie’s Last Will

And when I stand over the governor-general’s sleeping body, my blade one inch from his jugular, I do not kill him. I lean close. I let him smell the gunpowder and the ginseng. And I say, in a language he will never learn, the only prayer left to me:

My real name is Lee Kang-to. But Lee Kang-to is dead. He died in 1932, in a basement in Incheon, while a Korean girl sang Arirang so softly the rats stopped chewing. What rose from that basement was a grammar of violence. A syntax of rope and kerosene.

Do you know what it feels like to have two tongues? One for the master’s whip. One for the mother’s grave. I am a schizophrenic nation. My left hand signs death warrants in elegant kanji. My right hand carves the same names into a prayer stick. Bridal Mask Speak Khmer

It did not come to me as salvation. It came as a cough. A blood-fleck on a white glove. My brother’s dying hand pressed a ghost into my palm. And suddenly, the Nihongo I spoke so perfectly turned to ash in my throat. I tried to say “Tasukete” (help). What came out was something older. Something from the rice paddies my father burned.

(Soum aphyt thos) Forgive me.

I am not a hero.

When I cut the throat of a Kempeitai officer, I am whispering: (Mean tae sereipheap te) There is only freedom.

Tonight, I will kill again. A collaborator. A professor who teaches Korean children to hate their own shadows. Afterward, I will leave a single jasmine flower on his chest. Not for him. For the soil. For the proof that something soft can still grow from something rotten.